A few things I’m working on…

1>

Somewhere it was written that we have God in us

but how much or how little is the eternal mystery

Mortalitiy is bliss due to life being never-ending misery

My eyes are often victimized by wizardry…

I see the same man borned and die 1,000 deaths –

rough estimate, ignorance is his predicate

vanity is the etiquette at a table full of rude fucks

People will now sell off their souls for a few bucks…

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2>

I used to call to God, hoping for a levitate

but I’m blessed w/ no patience; hung up, no hesitate

“I’m great”…it’s what I say to reassure my own self.

Do you really know how to save self  from demise,

when you don’t know self; even seen with your own eyes?

Trapped behind these eyes: it’s a Hell of a prison…

nightmarish days take place, was it something I ate-

before dreaming, wishing for better, a little more cheddar

so I could say cheese and smile because I didn’t

get caught in the trap or is the trap aimed to

make me feel at ease before the rope hangs me

by my knees that I should have prayed on

for everyday wronged, every skipped song

all dried tears for brought-to-life fears…

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3>

The Color Purple was the first hue I ever viewed,

strange…because all I could see+feel was blue.

Rotate the years and in the news all you hear,

Sin City…Black and White world enriched

how ironic it is that technicolor exists

we’ve overindulged in shades and tans like a beach.

My father didn’t know the mental giant he was Raisin’ in the Sun, that might explain why I’m not so good with money. Everything once deemed sad seems funny later…it just takes longer on a ladder; not the elevator. Cry now, laugh thereafter when the tears dry, brave teh storm until your eyes reach the clear skies.

Published in: on February 20, 2009 at 12:55 AM  Comments (1)  

The World At My Feet.

From a Rose I was birthed…

in the middle of a storm…

I felt cursed as I got wet…

and trickled down with the rainfall,

and fell into the soil face first.

 

Mud in my eye, I did not know where I was…

Who I am, what’s my plan and where that I was going.

All I knew is that I was growing…

When I finally stood up, I became a man…

Privy to the ways of a world so clear yet confused.

 

Look around to see precious life being abused,

love mistreated and clear night skies taken for granted…

Green eyes blackened for things other than jealousy,

Dreamers awaken from their perfect worlds to wonder…

“Where was we?”

 

We were the Gods creating our own world,

but too wrapped up in advancing creations for appreciation.

I looked down in shame…but then I saw the rose…

and I remembered in an instant the beauty that I live for.

Published in: on January 25, 2009 at 3:56 AM  Comments (1)  

CRZY State.

Standing in a room all alone

yet I’m surrounded by spirits

The silence is turned up,

ironic how I can’t hear it.

I’m forced to face the ugly sides of myself

Distorted and contorted, some faces of fear

maybe I would be more at ease if it were amusement…

but there are no funhouse mirrors;

Everything I see is real here.

I feel a brawl on the horizon brewing

I’m not yet ready to battle my demons…

I see Faces of Death leaning against the wall,

smirks for smiles, acting like they knew.

Envy rocking a green replication,

hating like he’s known to do…

Defiance got his arms crossed,

sneering, refusing to budge…

Selfishness has it’s back turned, concerned about no one…

Typical shit.

Selfless is tapping him on the shoulder,

trying to lend a helping hand…

Arrogance is on some decked out shit…as far as spirits go.

In here looking like a magic cloud, silver lining to his shadow.

But that fool is a midget…baby joker don’t worry me

Self-doubt though?

On some Giant shit that could get me Plaxico Buried.

It gets me every time…aim lower…

I always shoot myself in the foot with worry.

I need to control these demons…but don’t know where to attack…

 

Fuck it, selfishness gets it first as I remind him how I do for others

He starts to shrink, and I start to feel better before I feel worse…

look over at Selfless, and see his heart is getting too big for his chest…

I give so much sometimes, the shit hurts…I gotta find balance…

Clutching my chest, I turn towards Envy…this shit should be easy…

I’ve got no reason to be jealous of another motherfucker,

because even with my DNA they couldn’t replicate me.

Envy falls flat, but guess who’s getting fat?

Arrogance beats his chest, and Selfishness perk up a bit…

Shit.

I focus in on Self-Doubt, easily the toughest

I declare this world mine for the taking,

I can do anything.

I’m too talented to fail, too Rasheed to not succeed…

we’re Common in species only…that’s where it ends.

Self-Doubt quivers, but Arrogance is peaking…

telling the rest how he’s the shit…figuratively speaking.

I point out flaws in my character, chinks in my armor

acne, only 5’10”, one ear smaller than the other…

not the buffest guy around, don’t make the most change

I drive a Chevy Malibu; stop acting like it’s a Range

Got a bad case of Depression- in fact, I’m surprised he’s not here

probably sitting somewhere in a corner with the light off,

relishing in the darkness of his own sadness…

but anyway, got a case of Depression that leads to Isolation…

how the fuck you walking around here like you’re perfect?

Arrogance sat down…seemingly defeated…

Defiance was still standing, arms folded…a little bit shorter.

I realize that I cannot do everything on my own…

I understand that bull-headedness will only lead me to a Matador

I’ll be thoughtlessly chasing red capes for the rest of my existence.

A one man gang is sure to fall when it comes to team ball…

Defiance drops his arms and comes out of his stance,

and when I turn around, I’m met by Self-Doubt…big as a house.

What the fuck? I’ll be battling these demons for the rest of my life,

it seems I need one to keep the other in check like Congress and Senate…

Guns and Butter shit…Angel/Devil shit…Peace and War…

shit might drive me crazy or put me into an early grave.

Remembering the last two, I look over to the Faces of Death…

same smirks on their faces…they already knew.

Published in: on December 28, 2008 at 1:53 AM  Comments (1)  

Creatively Speaking.

Creatively Speaking….I’m a motherfucking asshole.

I don’t give a shit about where you’ve gone,

what you did,

how you made it,

or when it happened.

Creatively Speaking….I don’t give a fuck about you.

I’m only here in this little ass shoebox that you call ‘the spot’ for one thing:

to show you how the fuck it’s done.

You can’t match that together fam…

Don’t say it like that, say it like this…

This is why they look at you like they do…

…so don’t do that.

Creatively Speaking, you know what?

FUCK YOU.

Hard-headed ass, more vain than a junkie’s arm

you’re popped on some confetti gun during Mardi Gras shit…

all over the fucking place with it…

Creatively Speaking, you’re not a painting…

you’re spilled flourescent liquids on canvas.

You look like shit…Creatively Speaking of course.

See how quickly folks can turn on your shit? Fuck ’em.

I’ve been trying to learn you at this creative thing for a minute now,

but you want to be a brickhead about the shit…get your Thing on.

Don’t do what everyone else is doing all the gotdamn time!

If it’s poppin’ to be a Single Lady….put a ring on.

muhfuckas may tell you to Bounce from the Space…

…you not ready? Play Trekkie…get your Cling on.

Creatively Speaking…you shouldn’t listen to anybody

…especially when it comes to speaking about Creativity.

All this shit I just told you, I hope you learn a lesson from for your life…

………..Creatively Speaking, of course.

Published in: on December 20, 2008 at 12:47 AM  Comments (3)  

Standing Outside/Inside With My Girlfriend.

Everywhere is white to me.

Every wall has a cushion.

You all are wearing lab coats.

The fuck is this?

 

I blink…the world’s back to normal.

Almost…

When I look at a window, there’s always someone watching.

I need to make sense of this, I need help.

 

Hurts, no allies…who’s going to believe me?

Every other blink sends me back in the bink.

It’s hard for you to understand…

you don’t realize like Hazel contacts,

just how alone you are on this planet

when you’re out of your mind and they call you insane.

 

or when you’ve a hold of your emotions

only for them to call you out of control.

Used to wreck shit in excess

now that I’ve found a way to stop, they call me reckless.

 

Six years ago Drugs came calling,

we did a gig together

Swear I passed off that whole winter as being ‘under the weather’

I was influenced…wasn’t under, I felt on top.

Friends didn’t matter, I made the girlfriend stop…

like “you can take your happy ass back to the friend zone…”

“Oh yeah, I forgot…it’s no more…that shit’s been gone.”

Couldn’t really blame her for wanting to stab me,

she claimed she was only trying to help and

get me to a hospital cuz I wouldn’t go any other way.

Lies.

Needless to say, I ended up in the hospital…

but in the visitor’s chair, avoiding her stare

she wasn’t mad…she apologized for caring

‘Can’t help noone who won’t help themselves’…

Worst times of my life…they were the highest and lowest.

Signed up for a psych session the next day…

I was using two girls, and one had to go away.

Drugs was my mistress that moved in on my main chick

dirtied the windows of my glass house, went from pristine to tainted.

I learned a lot about myself…I don’t even want people close…

because when shit goes down, I need a drug to cope…

now the shit’s isolation…my most recent addiction.

And like any abuser, it’s a chance I may overdose.

But I feel good baby…I feel good.

Published in: on December 19, 2008 at 11:39 PM  Comments (1)  

The Beauty Of It All

Sometimes it’s hard living when you are cognizant of your eventual demise.

Everything around you expires like rebates, spoils like milk…

wilts like flowers and Chamberlain, decomposes like Bach in reverse…

everything fades…loses color, yet ironically we say it dies.

 

Sometimes it’s difficult living when you are aware of your isolation.

Whether real or imagined, I imagine what appeals is just as real,

as the things we’re disgusted by.

the people we are lusted by…

the people we lust after,

 the idols we blindly follow

the cure we chase…

all of the fallacies are a tough pill to swallow.

 

But even that’s only if you’re looking at the half filled glass upside down,

pour the rest out and let it evaporate into the ground…

and then proclaim that you don’t have shit…can’t see the point in any of it…

but even then, you pay attention long enough and a flower may grow.

I turn my glass over all of the time…but it’s usually into the cups of others…

so when I say that I don’t look at life from a half full perspective,

it’s due to looking at others drink from my benefits.

And that’s the beauty of it all.

Published in: on December 19, 2008 at 1:06 AM  Leave a Comment  

The Pressure.

Nervous. Palms Sweating.
Everything Remains Raw.
On edge, heartbeat panic.
hands tense, veins showing…
clutching a napkin in one,
but this ain’t no picnic.
Detonator in the other…
I look over at my victims.
Focused faces.
They don’t even notice me.
As the time draws near,
I bite my lip and hope…
I need perfection.
I need deaths.
As I draw my detonator,
I tighten my grip.
Depress the button.
Silence first…
then CHAOS.
My victims have spotted me.
But it’s too late.
I drop the detonator
and raise my arms skyward.
I have brought victory.
At the cost of their defeat.
It feels so surreal…

I just won $400…
This Nintendo Wii shit is ferocious.

Published in: on December 13, 2008 at 7:34 AM  Comments (4)  

Never Be Another…

Standing outside in rain

that doesn’t seem to touch you

I am your umbrella, a parka partner

Weathered poker players…

together we gambled and came up big.

eyes skyward, soaking dry

looking me in the retina to realize,

there will never be another me.

 

The hold I have on you

when I do what you want

that I wanted to do anyway

pretentious power, you love it.

 

You dug it when I first spit

pumped all of my blood into it

and wouldn’t let loose…

Others can love you,

but there will never be another me.

 

You’re comfortable in your own skin,

and it’s a beautiful thing to see…

I remember the growing pains,

saying that it wasn’t just me…

always telling you how beautiful

you are to everyone that didn’t bear your name.

 

I may never see another tree

never hear another wreck

will miss the smell of birthday food

bringing the sea all the way to me.

 

No more lake walks and visits

or road trips all the way home

quick drives to our own world

I didn’t create love, but I knew where

to tell you to look…it’s an easy read.

 

I’ve got this all wrong…

no one will do the funny dances you love to do

nor will I smile at anyone else for trying

Nobody can create something from nothing

to make it purely priceless like you.

 

There’ll never be another me,

but that means there will never be another you too.

Without ‘you’, that ‘me’ is gone,

and without ‘me’, that ‘you’ is no more

Safe to say, there will never be another us…

…or ‘Us’…that kind of sickens me.

Published in: on December 12, 2008 at 11:40 PM  Comments (4)  

What I Was Feeling At The Time…

note: This is old.

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Insomina’s winning…
it’s been a long time, but it’s only the beginning…
Been awake so long, it hurts to even try to close your eyes…
Been an ape so long, can’t help but show your animal pride…

To the girl who I gave my world 7 years ago-
You’ve carved a nice path of destruction
One that caused for many tears to flow…
Now I divorce myself from love, I only want seduction…

Destroyed my idea of the perfect woman, so heartless
Cut my heart for the world to see, you a doc or an artist?
I’ve recovered, I think, pretty sure I’ve healed just fine
And of all the things I lost, what I miss most is my mind

Black Tie Affair, my feelings once again on display
placed neatly in a large black box on a special day
In my wake, am I dead or merely dreaming despondent?
But I hardly ever sleep; is what I see my reality?
Visions of the end, I guess it’s only my mind wandering…

Published in: on December 5, 2008 at 4:59 AM  Comments (3)  

[The Chase]

[[The Chase]]

I’m chasing after a man in the street’s night
I feel he’s got answers I need; wrong or right
Might need light…he’s trying to shake me thru dark alleys
ran back twoards a main street, ducked behind a Denali
I slowed pace…put the tool off safety
Heard an old phrase about God protecting fools and babies
The ‘fool’ theory will be put to test today, G-A-T
when cold steel’s to his brain, how will he A-C-T?

I crept closer, on stealth mode, not making a sound
plams sweaty, black Nikes slow-slapping the ground
Took off my hood, a slow smile began to wind
I’m not crazy, but this guy will soon lose his mind

the wet ground shone a fuzzy reflection
shit was distorted like my reality, far from perfection
looked at the window of a Charger and it kinda threw me
for a loop…the man staring back hardly knew me…
But I kept fake-nailing it…decided I had to press on
My heart kept making beats…chest getting it’s Mr. West on…

I see him…crouched down, looking the wrong way for too long
Time to make this hip hop nucca sing a brand new song…
Grabbed him by his collar, went to see the shock on his face
but who I confronted was an image I couldn’t erase
All this time I thought I was pursuing the truth,
I was only chasing ghosts…trying to keep pace with my youth.

[end]

Published in: on November 15, 2008 at 2:15 AM  Comments (1)